The LMG guide to software installation

Before I pontificate on the main subject of this post, I want to clear up something about the acronym “LMG”.  It definitely does not (as my son has informed me) stand for “light machine gun”, even though now he just showed me the wikipedia entry confirming this. I would encourage the reader to remember what the LMG said in his last post – specifically, that “LMG” stands for the esteemed Lazy Mans Guru.  nuff said.

The LMG has several easy to remember postulates about software installations:

1. Do not expect any software install to just “work”.  Software is designed by a tribe of mean elves who live in the shadow of the Kun Lun mountains. The savvy reader will remember that’s pretty close to where the LMG hangs out.  Every time there is a major software release he sees these elves “gettin jiggy wit it” for a couple of days.

2. All software is designed to manipulate the psyches and emotions of the unenlightened (by LMG) computer user (referred to henceforth as “CU”). The cycle proceeds thusly:   CU thinks he (or she) will be getting something.  CU installs software.  CU “gets” something…  but that “something” is a BIGF’NHASSLE.  The out-of-wack brain waves of CU are picked up by the mean elves receivers , and the party rocks on…

3. This cycle repeats over and over again as more software is installed.  Each time the CU forgets what happened the last time and somehow believes this next time will be different. The LMG calls this cycle, “stupid hope”.

4. The only way out of this cycle is to completely give your mind, body, and soul to the LMG, and specifically to send him $199 before each software installation.  It will be well worth it. Do not hesitate.

 

A Word for Today

the daily struggle

Some might call the Lazy Mans Guru ,”the stupid man”. Because, while the Lazy Mans Guru obviously has better things to do, he is spending his time writing this. We (spoken in the imperative here) know that the lazy man is not stupid.  In fact, he is smart, like a fox.  What appears here to be an inconsequential trickle of mellifluous words will someday grow to a mighty torrent, and wash away the ignorance the Lazy Mans Guru (henceforth to be known as LMG (witness his wisdom in action here)) sees in front of him.  Those who read this are blessed, in ways they cannot as yet perceive. Although, possibly the LMG should hire a proofreader to clear up his grammar.  He does not usually write on this earthly plane, so sometimes it’s a little hard for those less advanced to understand. Keep trying.

He’s got some other projects to catch up on, this will be all for now.

Who is a lazy man?

Because I’m a lazy man, I’m going to get this done quick.

Then I can be lazy…

 

The Lazy Man

 

– doesn’t like to spend too much money.  What is too much?  More than he would need to spend if he got what he really needed, and got a good price.  Because if he spends too much money he’s going to have to work more.

– likes to get things done. They should be pretty good – not usually perfect, just done. Maybe next time they’ll get closer to perfect, but probably never that close. He doesn’t worry about that because he’s got other stuff to do.

– doesn’t like bullshit.  He doesn’t like having to waste his time filling forms when they already know the information but ask over and over again.  In fact, he doesn’t like forms at all.  He also doesn’t like having to read instructions, or having to fiddle with things a million times to get them to work.  For instance, he really doesn’t like trying to get all his AV gizmos trying to work together properly.  This may be the subject of a full lazy man blog at some point.  He may be needing to rest up and relax a bit after this one though.

– kind of likes computers and stuff, but really hates it when they mess up and he’s got to dink around and try to figure out what’s wrong.

– also really hates it when anything else breaks, or didn’t work like he thought it should.

– doesn’t like to wait.  He could be doing something fun

– likes to do fun stuff

– doesn’t like to do his taxes, and because he’s lazy he’s not even going to explain why

– likes sexy women

– knows that the sexiest women are usually the most trouble

– doesn’t like trouble

– somewhat surprisingly, likes work.

– doesn’t like to work too much

– likes a big screen tv

– likes hanging out with his buddies

– doesn’t like to do dishes

– doesn’t like being sick

– would like to win the lottery but doesn’t play

– likes people

– likes dogs

– likes cats

– is friendly

– likes to goof around

– gets more lazy when something gets boring (notice how these posts are getting smaller)

– knows when to stop